(via gotwisdom)

archofroses:

so amazing and hilarious and cute

Bertha ily

 :’] glad you liked it!

(via nostalgicdreams)

whytheyrehot:

Why He’s Hot:

1. He’s the boss. We all love a man who’s charge right? Well, C.K. here has an empire, runs an friggin’ terrestrial pole of the earth, has the flying magical reindeer game on lockdown and even enslaves millions of tiny little happy elves. You don’t get anymore in charge than that.
2. He looks damn good in red. So good that it’s all he wears. He knows his colors, he works what suits him, and a man with good taste in fashion? Hot. He can stomp around our houses in those big black boots anytime.
3. He knows how to make his woman happy. So much so that she’s constantly cooking turkeys and knitting sweaters and giving blowjobs and making him hot cocoa with mini marshmallows and shit. Do you think Mrs. Kringle would be doing all of that if she wasn’t happy? Nope.
4. Don’t like them rotund and jolly? That’s alright, he’s fucking Santa - he’s magic. He can look however you want him too.
5. He’s quite good with his hands, making all those intricate little toys for brats all over the world. I’m sure he knows how else to use those nimble fingers.
6. He’s on the goddamn Coca Cola bottle, chillin’ with polar bears and shit. You can’t get any cooler hotter than that.

Here’s wishing you all a wonderful Christmas, abundant with silly, bawdy fun and hearty laughter!

thosedreamyeyes:

i’m gonna throw up!BYE.

 LMFAO. WTF. GTFO ASIAN HOOKER.

I NEVER WANT TO HEAR THE BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN THEME SONG AGAIN.

No, potato chips aren’t on the traditional Christmas menu, but…I’m a liberal.

Happy Holidays <3

(via aseriesofserendipities)

OMG.

If anyone deserves to be on the good list this year…it’s me. HONESTLY BRO. I graduated high school with honors, I’m a full time college student, I babysit on the weekends instead of drinking and engaging in other high risk behaviors, I took up playing a musical instrument, because I wanted a healthy hobby…I mean, I read, for God’s sake! I FUCKING READ! And I never even ask for shit! Not real shit, anyway. 

I’ve been asking for a white Christmas for almost ten years in a row now, and if you’re feeling particularly generous, I’ve gotten a chilly breeze. GEE, YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE. I’m tired of your trickery, Claus; I’m tired of you playing games with my heart. This year, I’ve decided to ask for something new, and there’s no possible way you can deny me since I’ve spent the last decade waking up sunny, 80 degree disappointment every Christmas morning.  Not this time, tubby. Instead of snow, I’m gonna make it reaaaal easy for you.

No need to get pull any strings with The Weatherman; no need to haul a ton of snow inside your toy bag from the north pole all the way to Florida. I’m willing to save you all this trouble, and pardon your past deceptions in exchange for ONE, LITTLE, THING: If you want to make a believer out of me again, have Dave Keuning, guitar in tow, standing by my Christmas tree at 11:00 AM tommorrow sharp…NAKED. YEP. That can’t be too hard, can it? This is your last chance, Santa Satan. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me ten times, shame on you (and maybe me, a little bit >.>). Fool me 11… and I won’t be held accountable for my actions.

I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE BITCH.

Merry Christmas!

-Bertha.

thosedreamyeyes:

This is all for Bertha :) Merry Christmas !

Aw, thank you! <333 I’m working on something right now for you guys that’s looking pretty good so far. I shall finish by tonight even if it kills me! :D Merry Christmas!

(via heartbeatglide)

Merry Christmas <3